Ok so if you’re reading this for the first time go and read some previous ones  lol  and if this has popped up in your inbox.. thanks for subscribing!

I pulled/tweaked my hamstring last week being a stupid showoff.. my sparring partner was being cheeky and lifted the pads to my shoulder height to tease me… and I managed to kick them too!!  lol  But just as my PT said “be carefull…”

OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AND I had a Zumba class to go to that night too!!

M, my PT told me to rest till Monday so it would be ok, but Erin’s cough got worse over the weekend so it’s now Tuesday and I’m still at home having missed yesterday and this morning’s gym sessions.  And what about the Monday night Zumba classes I’ve picked up??.. well monster cramps took care of me wanting to go ANYWHERE near that!!

“BUT what about the Zumba discs you have in the lounge for you to do?” I hear you ask… did you not hear me say MONSTER CRAMPS??!!!  lol

So the upshot is .. a gain this week.. it will come off.  I’m still struggling to take back control of my mouth and my eating habits.   Jo mentioned Joy’s pearls of wisdom.. I deserve better than to fill myself up with sugar.  And with the help of a few great friends and fellow challengers I’m getting my butt sorted again..again..again..

So the Queen of falling off the wagon has dusted off her crown, hammered out the dents and is whistling the wagon to get on back here.. ’cause God help me!!  I’m along for the ride AGAIN!!!

Bex in 16′s  :( ( soon to be Bex in smaller jeans AGAIN!!)

I’m another year older tomorrow, I keep telling the kids I’m 3  and in some ways I am… well almost 2 actually.. I started the challenge in Oct 2008.  Sooo the healthier fitter me is almost 2 now.   lol

Bex

ARRRRGHHHHHHHHH!!!  Yes I am going ahead with the prosecution, and as I’m a strong-willed woman I’ve decided that I don’t need chocolate (much) and won’t drink to help me through this.  Drinking helped a little with Dad but I need all my wits about me now  Plus, drinking and stuffing myself with chocolate got me up to 111kgs.  I weighed myself on Tues and again this morning (I know, once a week sigh) and I’m sitting on 108.

So, Monday I’m off to the gym again, I’ve almost managed to kick the cold I’ve got, I’m up to date with my supplements and almost back on top of my water consumption…. (pauses to swig on water bottle..  lol  )  See my halo??  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

So my line in the sand got scuffed a bit by circumstances out of my control… however, I didn’t go and get sloshed nor stuff my face completely with chocolate!!  Yay!!  I’m getting there!

We’re getting the bookings made for the big ride in January now, and looking at backpacks and riding gear for the winter so we can still all go out and keep up some level of fitness.  Every now and again I think,”Hang on… I HAVE to go tramping before that!”  :( sigh.  Steve’s 40th present from me is an overnight tramp.  I hate tramping, even more than I hate celery!!!!  lol And I agreed to go on this tramp only because it’s his 40th.  If it were any other birthday he’d be outta luck!!!

I’m planning to go for a ride tomorrow with Steve and the kids too, I haven’t been on a ride since before I had my legs done, should be good

Catch you later

Bex

His funeral was a true testimony to him and his diverse range of interests and family.  He was a biker, and a till his health failed him LOVED his Harley.  He was escorted to the Crematorium by at least 50 Harleys and It was AWESOME to see, hear and feel.

I’ve not weighed myself yet… and don’t think I will for a while, the clothing I took up for the funeral had to be replaced by some new and, unfortunately large,r clothing.  I’m done with the guilt.. the recriminations and the bad self talk about “letting Dad down” by eating uncontrollably.

I’ve come down with a sore throat so no gym tomorrow, possibly for the rest of the week.  However and Steve’s watching me type this too, NOW is the time to stop.  So you… my faithful followers and friends are witness to this, it all STOPS here.

As of tomorrow morning I’m “unpacking” my Challenge kit as if for the first time, I’m back on the challenge and looking forward to the detoxing… yes I said that LOOKING FORWARD to the detoxing.  (Shakes head) Yeah, I know it sounds crazy… but if I’m detoxing… I’m doing it right!

Looking forward to continuing the journey with you .

Bex in larger jeans

Soon to  be smaller Jeans

I tell you just what I am feeling is though, my abs, my glutes, thighs, deltiods, etc  lol  get the drift!!  :)

Thanks everyone for the support.. I really appreciate it.  I’ve been wandering in the wilderness of my own making, and thanks to those who’ve flung me lifelines

Confession time.. I now weigh 105 kg.  I’ve put on 15kg since November.  I’m going to loose it by November too!!  6 months.  Watch this space.

I’ve also made the decision that although we’re on “hold’ I’m still going to carry on with life as normal.  It was driving me nuts just hanging round waiting.  I’m half planning how I’m going to handle every situation where ever I am, at the library, shopping, at school… planning what I’m going to do when I get the call.

Do I leave the kids at school? Go home pack for them and me while leaving Steve to book tickets?  Bring them back home? Who do I  call first (Mum {separated from Dad for well over 30 years}, brother who’s taking the funeral, sister, brother in Oz)?  Do I call my brother who’s a chef in Australia?  What’s the time difference?  Is my sister going to want a lift to Wellington?   SEE!! it’s doing my head in!!

What I HAVE done is packed a bag with the kids clothes in it for the funeral.  I’m keeping my clothes ready in another bag and ready to head off, all the while doing my (almost) normal routine while my legs are almost healed.

There’s always washing to be done, dishes, meals etc to organise, next week I’m getting back to Playcentre with Lachy, rooms to tidy and vacuuming to be done, normal routine life.  I’m finding I’m coping a lot better now that when I first got the shock of seeing how bad he was.  I’m in constant contact and getting regular updates from Dad’s wife

Life goes on and as  lots of people have said to me  Dad wouldn’t want me to go and wreck all the great work I’ve put into getting myself healthy and fit.  Time to get back on the wagon.

Bex

Dad is still holding on, though he’s getting weaker and weaker.  I’m heading back to Wellington for his Birthday 17th May.  I’m hoping to surprise him for the day  We’re living kind of half packed at the moment.. I’m not promising to be anywhere at the moment as it looks like Dad could go at any time in the next few weeks.  Ant plans are made on the proviso that they could be abandoned as soon as I get the call.

I’m still not eating 100% on the program nor  even 80.  I’m much closer to 70, getting a great breakfast and lunch in then falling away come dinner time.  I’m not perfect, I’m no angel… but I’m working on it all the time

I’m really looking forward to my legs being pain free and being able to start more of the exercise I’m used to.  At present the muscles in my inner thighs are purple and I feel like I’ve pulled them… that’s why I’m not walking as much or running lol  Looking forward to THAT being gone!!  lol

I’m LOVING being able to get into the chat room and listen to the calls too

Bex in compression tights and slightly saggier jeans

Soooooo looking forward to the finished product

So as to Damian’s question, what would I have done differently, I like Joy, would’ve asked for help, and much sooner, I would’ve listened when the advice was given and acted on it.  I would forgive more and let more things go.  I’d move more love more and hate less.  I’d start to treat myself the way I deserve to be treated as a woman who is worthy of love, who has an opinion that matters, who is worth being around and listening to.

I had a good friend tell me last night that I’m much ‘softer’ now, I’m not protecting myself so much anymore.  I’m trusting more, and trusting myself to say what I want and what I need.  I’m also learning to look to myself for the answers, to be my own expert, rather than finding a “big person’ in my life to slavishly follow.

I no longer seek approval, well not as MUCH!!  lol  It’s still nice to know that you are appreciated and loved    I really appreciate the comments you ladies (and the odd guy) have left on here for me, I appreciate the support and encouragement, it means a lot to me

I’m feelin the love

Bex in compression tights tonight (and on the way to smaller jeans!)

I’ll have to walk for at least 30 mins a day over and above my normal walking around the house so I’m told.  Recovery is about 10 days, Steve’s taking the rest of the week off to help out at home.

We went off to Wellington last week to see Dad again, the cancer is progressing at an alarming rate, he doesn’t think he’ll last another month.  We discussed his wishes, and he told me about the arrangements he’s made.  Although it was a fraught and sad time I was eerily calm and nowhere near as emotionally fragile as I had expected to be.  I didn’t get drunk ( did eat lots though) and sadly I didn’t do much excercise either.

So, Now I’m on Broadband I’m going to be able to listen in to the calls   Yay!!!! (not tomorrow’s one though but that’s the Power of Food Seminar & I’ve been to 3 of them )now the operation will be over there’s nothing stopping me relaunching myself!!

Time to start again from scratch, cut out the things that I’ve added in to my eating as I’ve sadly got the taste for chocolate again ( not even the 80% cocoa stuff, the unhealthy stuff ) One small victory for me and my taste buds is that I’ve kicked the coke habit… lol  the COKE cola habit!  lol

I’ve downloaded the calls I missed with being on Dialup when the format for the webcasts changed, and I’m planning to take my iPOD with me tomorrow and listen to them in hospital

I’m missing my routine of excercise and missing how great I felt about myself, I’ve put on weight and some of my jeans no longer fit me!!  EKKKKK Time to shift arse again!!  I can see how the foods that I’ve started to add in are affecting me, I have black/purple bags under my eyes again and my skin is breaking out.  All signs I’m abusing my temple!!  Time to clear it out and get it pure again!

Watch this space for a better report next time

Bex